Monday, December 14, 2009

Busy Christmas season and family stress

Whew, I just realized today that's it's been 2 weeks since I last posted. Doesn't seem that long. It's been a busy 2 weeks. I've had 3 craft shows, 1 jewelry repair/making class at a Terrace location with CCtexan and I've been keeping up with my full time job and family issues.

What issues you ask? Well! My grandparents are at that stage in life where they don't need a nursing home but they can't really live independently anymore. Grandma would love to move in with my parents (her oldest daughter) and have my mom take care of her and grandpa full time so that she wouldn't have to mess with taking care of things herself anymore. Thing is my grandma is a beotch and not in the good way and grandpa was a bastard (now he doesn't even know who I am so his former personality is mostly gone). I was scared shitless of him all of my childhood and he used to beat and verbally abuse all 9 of his children. Grandma has always been manipulative and weeny-whiney (always playing the victim) and she wouldn't regret sucking the life out of my mom to serve her own needs.

Now my mom is awesome, giving to the point of having no boundaries; which is something my dad and I have been working on with her so that Grandma doesn't take advantage of her anymore. And she would, trust me on this. One night she called mom wanting her to drive over to help her undue her bra strap even though Grandpa was there and perfectly able to help her with it! That's just a small, ridiculous example of the lengths she'll go to get Mom to jump. My grandparents on dad's side aren't much better, unfortunately. I never had the wonderful childhood experience of loving grandparents wanting to spoil my brother and I. Usually we hated visiting them cause we were always uncomfortable or scared.

Anyhow, so we moved them into a higher level care retirement apartment complex which is both farther away from my parents and a social "step down" since they can't afford the nicer place. The staff is very nice and the place is clean and maintained but old and what some people would consider a lower socioeconomic level. Two of my aunts fly in to help my mom (their sister) and it's lots of fun had by all.

Picture it. We all hate moving. We all dislike spending time with my grandparents. Grandma doesn't want to move there. Grandpa is clueless, in a wheelchair and mostly in the way. Grandma hasn't helped pack any small personal items which she is capable of prior to move day but chooses to sit back, watch us pack and give snippy directions to us all. This side of the family is of ALL GERMAN DESCENT just 2 generations removed. My aunts have been living alone too long, don't want to be here and have never really learned how to compromise. So they're busy trying to boss everyone and each other around because we're not 'doing it right'.

Thank God my dad's side of the family is mostly Polish. Dad says I got the best of both sides-German enough to be organized, motivated and have a good work ethic but Polish enough to know when to say Fuck It! it's good enough and chill out. Plus I've learned how not to be bossy and annoying (well, mostly, lol) I really believe in personal autonomy and responsibility and that means not trying to run others' lives.

Up shot, we got them moved without killing each other or anyone else but it'll probably be awhile before we have any family reunions or holidays together. We were suppose to have my aunts visit the Feb and other family but now they're saying that they're probably not coming cause they had such a miserable time. Nevermind that the whole week was a set up for misery! They're going to turn it into relationship issues between us when it's really about dealing with the crappy move and my grandparents. Normally we all get along great (minus grandparents) but I think we all need a break for a bit.

1 comment:

  1. Heather sorry you had to go thorugh this, sounds like a nightmre, a long running one. I'm part german too, it is what makes me so stoic, I never all apart during a crisis, only afterwards! I'm half french though, yikes, so emotional at times although I value rational though most of all.


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